“Experiencing breast cancer changed my thinking about a lot of things. I walked away with the determination not to leave anything in my life undone, not if I can help it.”
A fellow blogger and Word Presser reached out to me suggesting I read this book. I am in a lost time. A transition. Though I’ve been in a transition for ten years, still not on my way to anything set or clear. This book is a quick read, and has predominately Christian focus, but I don’t think that Rhonda Trull is discriminating against anyone whose not Christian, but reaching out to everyone who is not working to their full capacity, and feeling guilty about it as I am. What inspired Trull to write the book was that she had breast cancer and wanted to do everything possible lest God forbid she didn’t have much time left. I am a believer in God, not in organized religion, but I am a believer that people are each born with certain potentials and talents and that not using them is a sin.
I have begun to work to do so the past year or so, though I still don’t have a clear direction. I have shied away from the distractions that have robbed years and years of my life. Television is one. I’ve gotten lost in movies and shows and lived their realities instead of mine.
Alcohol, however, is THE one. Alcohol is a demon. It is a thief. It will take your life. I am not completely free of the spell, but have significantly pulled away from the legal drug. Alcohol and Fear work together as business partners. Fear comes first to you at a young age. It shows you the horrors of the world, shows you what could happen if you try this or do that, and sometimes this or that does happen and not in a positive way. Then it paralyzes you and keeps you from your potential. Though personifying these things can be classified as my being a weak person, I am not going to deny I was one for a very long time. I was bullied in high school, defamed of my character, and Fear to try at anything got the best of me. It changed for a short while when I left, and those people weren’t my life anymore. When I went to a great college, I had great dreams. I spit in the face of Fear, I studied hard, did well. I thought I’d be a big time producer or magazine editor or something great by now. I became none of these things. After being fired a few times in the Big Apple, Fear came to me and said “See? I told you so…you’ll never make it, not it New York City, and not anywhere else.”
Then Fear went to Alcohol and said,
”She’s ready for you, you can take her now.”
Alcohol came to me and introduced itself at my second job that included free happy hours. It said, “I am your friend, you will not need or feel Fear with me. I will protect you.”
Then Alcohol and I would hang out only at happy hours, then weekends. Then slowly Alcohol moved in with me. Every night.
Alcohol and Fear must have shaken hands somewhere along those years and exchanged the praise
“We got her.”
I shrunk back down to a “safe” job, where there is no room for progression, and that’s where I have been for years.
It is getting to me. Luckily. I am too old to be young and too young to be old but I can still spit in the face of those two things and be on my way.
In Maximum Voltage, Trull tells you to work with everything you’ve got. I am doing so with this blog, with the piano, and with graphic design. Perhaps Purpose will come chasing after me just like Fear and Alcohol did. And Purpose will say, “I found you, now you and I can work together.”
Fear does now work with Procrastination a little bit. I am afraid to get started on these projects. Afraid of failure, or whatever. But I do it anyway.
If you are lost, searching for answers, it’s best to be engaging in inspirational books like this and surround yourself with positive things. Good luck out there.