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To Stay or Not to Stay?

Having been pondering this phrase all week, my latest dating disaster. Connection with online dating is hard to find, it maybe happened twice before. I find a comedian. He is adorable, has it together, his own house. He is Conan O’Brien meets Aaron Paul. A smile to die for. Our first date was at a little wine bar. We talked of his road to his hopes of glory and fame. He had just been cast on a reality show for up and coming comedians. What channel? What show? I do not remember. And I’m glad I don’t remember. Although a comedian, I do not think we shared the same humor. His was vague and broad and my very specific mentions of Howard Stern and South Park did not seem to move him in the least. Voice impressions did not seem his thing, but his charm was very appealing. He was from upstate New York and the cultural difference was almost a relief, being a jaded Italian-American girl from Long Island, I’ve had quite my share of arrogance and callousness.

The date ended with a little kiss and a spark.

Needless to say, our second date was rescheduled due to his reality show. Already two red flags. I would be taking a backseat to his dream, and understood. No one should stand in the way of one’s dream. The other, he had mentioned on our first date. That a girl broke up with him because his comedy life was “exhausting.”

I thought, she must be an uptight bitch. Who wouldn’t appreciate good comedy? It sounded like so much fun.

It took me one night, to see exactly what she meant.

The reschedule was “Hey, why don’t you come to one of my shows?”

I loved the idea. I love comedy shows. To be part of one, well that is something I never anticipated.

I pictured a club the size of Carolines. I pictured me being a spec in the audience, lost in the crowd invisible. The club was nothing like it. Two rows of maybe ten tables at most, and I? I was placed right in the front. Alone.

My date was barely anywhere to be found. The two minutes he sat with me the entire night, was just enough so that one of the other comedians picked up that I was his date.

And with him gone, I didn’t see him again the rest of the show. I didn’t appreciate being there ignored, I already felt like someone’s groupie. Even if it was Aaron Paul himself, could never feel comfortable being someone’s groupie.

The big burly man with a deep voice singled me out immediately.

“How long have you been dating xxxxxx?”

“This is our second date.”

“Oh ok. He usually brings in a string of first dates. They usually don’t make it to the second.”

A compliment? A jest? Not sure. So, being ignored, and already to my attention I was just one of many girls. A lot to take in on a second date.

Then xxxx gets up and does his thing. His material? All about hooking up and trying to get with girls. The audience, knowing I was his date, I felt their eyes on me. Maybe their eyes weren’t on me, but I felt as such. I felt like a patsy…a groupie. I was humiliated. In any case. I left. Without a goodbye. He never tried to stop me. All I know is I wanted out of there.

Feeling sorry about it the next morning, I texted him so. And he appreciated the gesture but suggested that he felt “weird” since the show and that perhaps dating a comedian wasn’t for me.

There was insensitivity on both our parts I feel. Comedians, I have actually more respect for them than actors, than a band. You are taking a risk, every day, every show, with immediate interaction with an audience, that is hit or miss. You are taking a chance that no one will laugh. And you are being ripped to shreds by the other comedians. And you are being exposed, personal life and all put up there. I might as well have shown up naked.

Having done this for years, he probably thought nothing of it. But there was little understanding on his part, for my feelings. So ultimately I think hes right, and dating a comedian wouldn’t have worked for me. Kathy Griffin would have been more appropriate. And if he does make it big, I could say, I went on a few dates with that guy once

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